alias boxer: Do you ever run into conflict with others because of your "dog knowledge"?
I know it's got to happen with others besides myself. Either with friends, family, or new acquaintances... do you ever get into conversations about dogs and end up sharing knowledge or giving sincere advice that offends the other person? Ever talked to someone about something dog-related, where you just had to keep your mouth shut in order to keep the conversation polite, or when you just plain can't hold your tongue? Please share with me because I'd hate to be the only one that goes through this!
For instance, my mom has a 1 yr old "maltepoo" (whom she rescued, thank goodness) who barks at EVERYTHING. When this first started, I offered to help her with training, told her how to handle the barking, printed out articles from the internet that covered this topic... I felt like she refused to listen to me. One suggestion I made was to use a squirt bottle of water on the dog when she barked too much. My mom acted like it was cruel to get her wet all the time. A week later she bought the dog a shock collar (which she has never used, thank God). ???? Electric shock is more humane than a spray of water???? I just don't get it.
A month ago I ran into a lady with a 1 yr old lab mix from a shelter. She told me that the dog was being fed "expensive food" (Science Diet) when she got it as a puppy, so she continues to buy that for her, and THAT is what keeps her coat so shiny. I kept my mouth shut for that one.
Just an hour ago I met someone at a friend's house who is looking to breed his 2 yr old English Bulldog b*tch. This came up as I was telling everyone about my new puppy-sitting job with a 14-wk-old English Bulldog pup (male). When he said he had a female for breeding, I told him that the puppy I'm caring for is deaf. He said "So?" I said "It's genetic." He said, "Who cares?" So we got into it, and he ended up walking away from me without a word. What would you have done?
Thanks everyone for your replies.
I have learned, after many heated arguments with loved ones, that it's best to keep my mouth shut. I've gotten into it with BF, my parents, my extended family, friends.... and finally given up. My mom's "maltepoo" still drives her absolutely insane (I actually just gave her the "OK" on a new collar that vibrates instead of shocks, just to avoid a fight) and my BF is finally soaking in the reality of my "cancer trip" (when recently I did a lot or research on cancer in dogs after finding out that Caney is genetically predisposed to hemangiosarcoma). A few months ago when I was reading about cancer and sharing with BF and the roommate, they thought I was nuts. Two days ago Creek was diagnosed with a MCT. Wasn't so crazy after all, was I??
As for the guy tonight -- I explained to him how hard bulldogs are to breed, often requiring artificial insemination and C-sections. He said that "not all of them need that." ?? OK I said, that's true, not all of them need that. BUT it's still risky. Then I asked him if he loved his dog. He said "yes." I told him that breeding her would risk her life, and that breeding should be done out of love for the breed, NOT love for ones dog. Then I went on about my boxers, how wonderful and beautiful they are, and how I STILL would never put them through that (because I love them, because they haven't been health tested or shown, etc). THAT is when he walked away, claiming that he had also done research that I had done, but still disagreed with what I was saying.
One last thing -- his main reason for breeding her was because his family wanted a puppy from her. UGH.
Answers and Views:
Answer by Wheaten Mom
If they ask, I'll answer.
Otherwise, it's like kids, no one wants to listen to advice.
I would have had a hard time with the breeding question- I mean for gosh sakes he's putting his own dog at risk. (not even to mention the genetics of the thing!)
Know better? Give your own answer to this question!
Jan says
Yes sometimes i get the cold shoulder from my friends or family because they think i'm a know it all. I'm just trying to help. So thanks for bringing it up. I too have learned when it comes to my family and Friends i keep my mouth zipped. Cheers
•Poppy• Wa says
Most recently, it was an argument over Christmas puppies. This girl (whom I do *not* like–but that's another story) got a puppy for Christmas; and her one of her friends got one last year for Christmas. This year's girl's pup came from the parents (she also got a kitten), last year it was a boyfriend gift (which have become VERY popular around here).
*Everyone* I seem to tell that Christmas puppies are a bad idea is baffled. No one understands *why*–even after I say how THAT is how puppies end up in shelters.
I was recently talking to my friend (who was fostering out a Boxer mix). She almost got the pup adopted by an older couple whose children had recieved a Boxer puppy for Christmas, and they thought it was too cute–reason they didn't want this dog? "Too big".
But even that friend ^^ didn't get the Christmas puppies idea. Her response when I said it to her "my dog was a Christmas gift". Though it was totally different–they adopted around Christmas time, and she picked it out. But still; I wasn't expecting *that* response from her (she's very shelter-active.)
♥PomMom&heart says
OMG YES! My family! I hate to say this because I love my family, but they should NOT be pet owners! They don't take their dogs to the vet until it's too late or the problem has caused secondary problems.
It is SO frustrating because they will call me and say that I know about dogs and ask for advice. When I tell them the possibilities of the problem or to please take the dog to the vet, they get mad at me and tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about and I am "vet happy". As a matter of fact, by dad is so concerned that I take my dogs to the vet too often and unnecessarily that he is considering leaving me out of his will because he thinks the first thing I will do is "waste money at the vets office"! A couple of years ago one of my Poms went lame and couldn't walk. I rushed her to the vet immediately. She had a swollen disk in her back. I ask you….was that an unnecessary trip to the vet??? I THINK NOT!!!!! My Poms need regular dental cleanings. Unnecessary vet visit??? I THINK NOT!!!!
Let me tell you this – my dads dog had a mass jetting out of her neck. I told him to take her in to the vet and have it looked at. He refused and the mass became so big that it interfered with her breathing (spread to her lungs) and it also spread to her jaw and she was not able to open her mouth to eat. At the same time she had problems with her leg and she went lame. He once again refused to get her vet care until it was TOO LATE. He had to put her down last November. Now, I ask you…..would that be unnecessary vet visits??? I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!
One of my brothers dogs had something wrong with her eye. It because watery and she couldn't open it. I told him to take his dog to the vet. He let it go for several months and didn't get better. He finally took her in. It turns out that she had injured her cornea and it got infected. Now she is blind in that eye because of late vet treatment. Is that an unnecessary visit to the vet??? I THINK NOT!!!!!!
I don't understand why the HELL they call me and ask for advice and not take it? My dad overfed his dog and not only that, he fed her all of the things that she shouldn't have; chocolate, onions, grapes, raisins, etc. When I told him those are toxic to her, he rolled his eyes and said "Sadie can have anything she wants". (he was giving her chocolate ice cream at that exact moment) My brother is so concerned about his dogs becoming overweight that he doesn't feed his dogs enough – his dogs are underweight by about 10 pounds.
And don't even get me started on the Ol' Roy dog food my family feeds their dogs! Another thing they think I "waste" money on is the kibble I feed my dogs. They don't understand why I don't buy Ol' Roy when I can get a #50 bag for the same price I pay for an #8 bag of Wellness. I explain to them about the ingredients and nutrition, but they don't believe me even though the ingredients are on the back of the package! I have printed out many articles about the nutrition facts, but it goes right in the trash.
It's pointless to say anything to them anymore – it just falls on deaf ears.
sjmdutch says
My favorite t-shirt: "The only thing 2 dog trainers can agree on, is that the third one is wrong"
wishnuwelltoo says
Well I never thought about it much, but dogs is one area I don't have drama on. I am lucky that my dogs through the years are very well behaved. If I am in someone else home and their dog acts up, I correct that dogs behavior automatically. I find that most people want to do the right thing with their dogs, they just don't know how. While my in laws can bad mouth all their children, their spouses, their grandchildren down to the two-year-old, but my in laws have never been able to bad mouth my dogs. It is even a strain for them to say nice things about my dogs, but they do. I don't get into the dog food debate, millions of dogs eat cheap dog food and live happy healthy lives, and live past their life expectancy. Now trying to find a vet with a brain, now that is another story……..
FF Computer is down says
Ha ha, Good for you!
I was in friendlys a couple a weeks ago and some how breeding came up.
My mother was claiming that breeders make "big bucks". And stating she wants to start breeding to make a fortune. (No, she is not going to breed. She was just trying to get me riled up and let me tell you, It worked!)
Anyway I was trying to explain to her calmly that breeders some what actually loose money when breeding. But stubborn Ol' Ma doesn't listen.
So the conversation got more intense and thank fully our meals came.
I felt so sorry for the people who were sitting around us! Lol.
Iggy's Hole N t says
Yes I do people argue with me that I know a dog has 4 legs, well most of them and they don't believe me,. LOL
Legit"'Yes I have, but its just because they don't know the breed well is all….no big deal…till they say well you know a Min. Schnauzer originated from being bred to a chi and a poodle, nope that one I have to stand my ground….
and I cant believe he only bred his dog to get a puppy for the family, your right that is really a lame excuse
nite all
KKingS says
Sometimes.
Mostly, I get defensive and mouthy when it concerns my own dogs. The vet telling me to feed Science Diet, my landlord insisting she "knew" I had a pit mix, or people that comment on my training (particularly the "cruel" pinch collar or equally as "cruel" crate.) This is when I don't mind telling people exactly what they need to hear.
There are times I use more tact, like when I visit my mother-in-law's house and find that she lives her new puppy chi locked in a crate for 22+ hours a day.
And then there are times when I just keep my mouth shut. Like the time I was at PetSmart behind a woman who was proudly showing off her "____apoo." Oh…but you SO want to say something.
Honeybelle DILLIGAF says
If someone asks for my opinion or advice I will give it in a tactful and thoughtful way. I don't see any good outcomes when you attack and put people and their dogs down. They just close their mind and don't want to hear what you have to say so you are wasting your time.
I don't believe that I am qualified to speak on every subject and if someone asked me to critique their dog which was a breed I wasn't well versed in I would keep my opinions to myself. I know my own breed's standard inside and out and would give my opinion TACTFULLY for them, but that's it.
If someone isn't interested or has already made their own mind up then why waste your time.
Righteous James says
I remember i overheard a coworker talking about how her dog had puppies…..both dogs were siblings. I asked her why didn't she get the dog's neutered, she actually said it's "ok for dogs to breed with their siblings there not like humans or anything".
I called her the dumb bimbo she was.
But i didn't know that because of some dog knowledge, it's just common sense.
akitagrl07 says
Yeah, I hear ya. My best friend bought a "bugg" (boston terrier pug) from a breeder, so I have to kind of watch what I say around her. I do admit that at the time I didn't really realize how bad a breeder that person was, so I didn't tell her at the time she was looking and that makes me feel like a hypocrite now if I do say anything…anyway..My cousin's fiancee has a huskie b!tc# he wants to breed and every time I hear about it I have to say something. I cannot keep my mouth shut and I have to lecture the both of them about responsible breeding and dog overpopulation; I'm hoping one day it will sink in. I also look for ways to bring up the subject of dog food because they are feeding Beneful…ugh. It makes me so sad and a little mad. With the shock collar, my dad wanted to get one for one of our rescue dogs but mom and I refused to let him. I don't know what the deal is with an electrical shock seeming more humane than spritzing with water. Frankly I would have done the same thing with that wannabe breeder. Such complete ignorance and disregard for living things is hard to tolerate.
Katslookup--Not Susp says
My thoughts are that EVERYONE is entitled to MY opinion. If I kept my mouth shut just because I thought I might offend someone, then I would never get to talk!
I have told people that I didn't know that Science Diet is expensive CRAP food. I tell people that their low quality, POS pet store dog should be fixed, that offends many, but if only ONE person stops, then it was worth it!
My daughter nailed it a few years ago when she had a school project to "invent" a superhero. She told everyone that "I" was a superhero. Tackless Woman! "Able to offend an entire room in a single utterance!"
Never hold back! Tell people the truth!
Miss Misery says
I get into arguments all the time with people over pets. That's the one thing I know tons about and am very vocal about. I've gotten into massive fights over people not spaying and neutering their pets and just letting them breed over and over, keeping animals outside 24/7, bad cages, and just things people thought were great to do for their pets but that were actually harming them. Not very many people listen though. Usually I start off very polite about it and everything and then I end up red faced and fuming by the end and just have to walk away.
I would have blown up at that guy you talked to, there's way too many people who think like him, or just want to breed their animals for money and don't realize it takes tons of cash and time.
n B says
Yes, all the time, as my profession and passion is working with dogs (and cats!). My biggest pet peeve is people who don't spay and neuter. People who have never been to a shelter or seen a freezer full of dead animals. Unfortunately people are generally uneducated when it comes to this.
I also do have my pet peeves when it comes to how people train there animals. It make me laugh that people idolize "trainers" like cesar Millan. I wouldn't have recommended a squirt bottle or a shock collar. i do positive reinforcement only, and conditioning.
I agree with you, Science Diet is SHIT. I feed my pet Innova. The only reason I feel Vets recommend SD is because Hills (the manufacturer) writes the books they study from in Vet school. There is also a conflict of interest. The Veterinary Association owns stock in Hills (or visa versa, can't remember). Vets are not nutritionist, just as human doctors are not.
If someone told me they were interested in breeding, I would remind them that millions of dogs and cat are killed each year because they have no homes. But I don't typically associate with breeders. People will do what they want, regardless of the ugly truth staring them in the face. I would probably have left just as you did.
Patient Paws says
I'm SO glad it isn't just me!
I have a friend that free feeds her English Bulldog 20 cups of food per day(!!!!!) and a lunch of 3 cheese burgers via McDonalds. I gave that one up a long time ago. It ended badly.
I've run into people buying Pedigree and Purina from Walmart and offered a bit of insight on what the dog was actually consuming and they thought I was being 'snarky' and 'rude'.
Idiots have asked me to breed my "Pomshe" with so many different males its obnoxious. No matter how much of an emphasis on "MUTT" you place, they seem to be unaware. I don't even bother to say she's spayed- most of them don't know what it means. I now say "her vagina is broken." And walk away.
As per your situation- I wouldn't have let him walk away so easy, but then again I'm a person who enjoys conflict and being correct when it comes to these things.
Did you drop some medical terms on him? Thats always fun. Watching them flounder at the medical term for genetic deficiencies is usually the highlight of my day. Then tossing price tags for the genetic defects cost (if its fixable, treatable, or what you must do to maintain). Then I go to work on the dog in question. Even if I BARELY know the standard, I'd eat the dog alive. "Withers are wrong, overbite is too prominent, improper tail, improper stance, blah blah blah blah" until the person just doesn't even want to talk anymore.
I can't even begin to tell you how many people I've fussed at over coming up to me when I have Max (before he was neutered) and showing me their "registered" dog. (Generally a poorly bred Aussie or Collie) and asking me to allow his stud.
Stupid people make the world fun for us. You just have to make sure you hit them in the head hard enough when you're done with them that they don't get back up.
jessica k says
This is a tough question to answer. I think that in the case of the person who wanted to breed the deaf puppy I think that he needs to hear it. Maybe someone else will give him the same answer and he will reconsider. When it comes to things like the way that people train their dogs, it is often not worth the effort because they have already created a monster dog at that point.
GP [[retriever belie says
blah, all the time. some people are just so stubborn, they get offended when you try to explain nicely to them. for example, i know someone who bred their boxer. i told them, hey she looks a bit too small, you sure shes 2 yrs old? they said oh yea yea shes almost 3! and i told them she would have a lot of trouble and possibly die because she was so small.
well, when the time came for her to have the puppies, she died during her c-section. they were left with 7 puppies to hand rear, now? only 2 puppies are alive at 2.5 weeks old. they didn't even do research on how to care for newborn puppies. i offered to help, but they rudely said no. it took all my will power not to say, "i told you so".
Aussies are my &hear says
We were doing class introductions at the university on thursday. This guy was like "I breed english bulldogs" and I said, "wow, that is an expensive hobby." and he said "Nah, I make a lot of money." I almost threw a fit! BUT I didn't want to make a scene in class. Just wait, though, I am going to corner him one of these days.
Saved from TN says
Good for you about the incident that happened an hour ago.
Well, last week I was at my best friend's house whom they just got a new puppy. I was talking to her mom in the other room and she asked me what food we feed and I said: Well I feel pretty bad that we're feeding purina pro plan, but I'm looking into switching as soon as I can.
She said what's wrong with purina? Because they're feeding purina organic.
I said "ohh maybe we'll look into the organic stuff…"
This other girl I was talking to a month or so ago said she wanted to get a dog from a pet store and I replied with saying how about rescue. She commented that all rescue dogs are "retarded."
I said that my dog is a rescue and she is def. not retarded and she said that she probably is. I was so mad I just got up and walked away.
T J says
Just laugh and say Ok if you say so
doc's wife says
we have both learned not to give any advice
only family and close friends get an exception= other then that- we play dumb- and tell people we are teachers